Serendipity

“Vital lives are about action. You can't feel warmth unless you create it, can't feel delight until you play,can't know serendipity unless you risk.” 
 Joan Erickson

"Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for." 
Lawrence Block

Serendipity; such a lyrical word for a happy accident. For some reason the word itself always makes me smile.

Maybe that’s because those times in my life when I either haven’t been looking, or have been searching for something entirely different, something beautiful, perfect and – excuse the grammar – downright ‘smile making’ appears right in front of me instead.

A classic example; I went out with some friends many years ago – 23 to be exact (funny how I can’t remember what I did on any specific day last week, but the life changing moments are etched in granite in my memory). Anyway, as I was saying, I went out (or rather, was dragged out) to a sporting presentation night. My girlfriend decided I needed to get out after months of both medical and self imposed isolation. I had spinal surgery. I had a broken heart. Recovering from the former was a piece of cake compared to the latter. I’d sworn off men forever and had resigned myself to a rather solitary life. Just me, my dog, my garden and some writing here and there; that was enough for anyone I thought. Fill in any nasty gaps of inaction and solitude where the mind might start to replay unwanted repeats of that tired old movie that was my disastrous relationship with...what? Something, anything; rearrange the furniture, repaint the furniture, buy new furniture.

The thought of going out left me cold; the thought of going to a soccer club social left me even colder. It really was the last thing I felt like, but I figured free booze and food and the company of close friends who would know better than to ask me how I was every five minutes may fritter away another Saturday night. Saturday nights were the worst somehow. Not that we used to go out and now I was staying in; we always stayed in. That was the problem. Here I was, rattling around the house with too many opportunities to see and feel what I no longer had. There’s a great line from Missy Higgins ‘The Wrong Girl’ that pretty much sums things up as they were back then.

Now the house is quiet as a hollow head
And I'm walking round bumping into things you said

Ouch. How true.

So I went, on the hunt for nothing more than some time wasting entertainment, and enough free drinks to get the balance right between easy sleep the minute my head hit the pillow and painful booze induced fogginess on Sunday.

Instead I met my life partner and soul mate. The attraction was instantaneous and not one glass of cheap fizz had passed my lips at that point to colour my judgement. We have been together ever since.

And I came so close to not going.

Serendipity!

Speaking of Missy Higgins, even one of my best (possibly strangest) and closest friendships was not what I was looking for when I jumped on a fan forum a few years ago. I only call it strange because at this point we still haven’t met in person. We will – and possibly very soon – but we have shared so much that would never have happened and certainly was not my intention when I first logged on. I discovered a kindred spirit and a beautifully inquiring and probing mind that helped me light the path I'm currently on. Without her encouragement and her frank questions I would never have found the courage to go in search of my birth mother, nor would I have found myself sitting here writing a blog. Thanks Kat (I think!).

Again, serendipity!

 Some of the best meals I've eaten have come about by needing to improvise because, once again, I didn't have the ingredients I thought I did and living out of town means a trip to the 24 hour supermarket is an hour round trip.

Self sown seedlings in the garden are often the strongest and give us unexpected delight.

Roadworks and a subsequent detour can take us past fabulous scenery; enable us to find a new place to eat or even give us a better way to our destination.

When the bottle shop runs out of your favourite tipple you may discover one you like better.

When financial trouble forces you to change your job, or your home or where you send the kids to school, it’s been my experience that, whilst going through the change can be tortuous, it will nearly always bring you to a better place, to new friends, to a more authentic and contented life – if you let it.

That seems to be the key. Make plans, have goals, dream a little or a lot, but be ready to adapt, to be flexible and to be prepared to drift downstream sometimes. Somehow, those rivers always seem to find a way around an obstacle and still reach their destination don’t they? Maybe we humans could learn from that.

Happy accidents occur almost daily if we let them; if we open our minds and our hearts to the possibilities and just have a go at life.

Ok. Your early Sunday sermon is over. I’m packing up my soapbox and off to feed the Gang of Four...at least that’s the plan! J